What does it mean when the other needs space from you?
It might mean that when they are with you either
you don't know how to give them space to be themselves
or they do not let themselves to have this freedom with you (or with anyone).
What is space and how to give it to someone else?
I claim that SPACE is LOVE*.
If someone craves for space they might be saying:
Show me that you love me as I am. Let me be myself.
So how to give space and love them as they are?
Focus on the other.
Turn towards them.
Look them in the eye.
Hear what they are saying.
Listen to not just words but everything that’s coming out of them.
Drop yourself when you listen, your wants and needs and be there for this other person. Show that you care.
Show that you love.
Ask open and innocent questions if that feels natural.
Find the courage to stay silent if necessary, so that the other can open up more if it feels good to them.
Do not give advice, even when the other says that they don’t know what to do.
Stay with their vulnerability. (This may be challenging because you end up facing your own vulnerability at the same time.)
Let them find their own answers.
Let them be themselves.
Do not try to offer them solution that’s worked for you.
Copy paste does not work here.
They need to create their own piece of art.
Do not criticise how the other has handled things or led their life to this point.
Do not suggest anything.
Hold a space for the other person like they were totally perfect in that moment, because they are. They deserve be loved just the way they are whatever that is: messy, unclear, needy, seeking.
We deserve to be seen and heard and received now.
Let me be who I am without pushing you in here. I don’t become better by changing more into you.
Let me have the space to see the love.
Designing Realities Coaching
* There are many kinds of love. Now I’m talking about the situation where the “space love” is needed. Sometimes you need to give other kind of love which might include giving advice or even challenging other’s way of life. But now the focus of this text is SPACE LOVE.
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